Oh Happy Day

Eleven (just to buck the trend) things, people, and ideas that make my life worth it. The list is by no means exhaustive…

My husband
We fell in love without even realising it, at a junction in life when things couldn’t possibly look less favourable. We pulled through that, got together, built a family, and we look forward to growing old together. Things are far from easy, but that’s when one gets to appreciate the people who matter: those who support you despite everything.

My son
He’s a toddler (smack in the middle of his Terrible Twos, actually) and a handful on a good day, but for each time he gets my pulse racing he knows to counter it with a big dimpled grin, or by climbing into my lap to snuggle and watch TV, or by feeding me bits of his food, or by the cuteness overload he is when asleep, or by surprising me with a new word.

Chocolate
Is there anything in this world that doesn’t look or feel better through the lens of a good chocolate fix? The ultimate feel-good food, not even the workouts I need to keep it off my hips can make me give it up. Moderate, yes. But hell would be forbidding it me for the rest of my life. So don’t do it. This means you.

Baby animals
Even those beasts that grow up to be ugly or scary manage to be cute as babies. If we talk about fluffy kitties or frisky puppies, I challenge anyone out there not to have their spirits lifted; or a belly laugh at the very least. That’s why CuteOverload.com has been in my bookmarks for nigh on eight years.

Fashion
I don’t mean anything expensive or bleeding-edge fashionable. But there’s no resisting a pretty tone-on-tone embroidered coat or dress, or a pair of soft ballet slippers or jazz boots. Such items make me feel pretty, sexy, and distinctive at the same time. Epic win!

Crisp clear days
The best weather to walk out in. I enjoy wrapping myself warmly, but not needing to thaw out uncovered bits when I get back, and to be as certain as possible that it’s not going to rain. There are no two months better suited to long hikes than April and October.

Music
It’s what makes a long drive or walk fly by. It’s what gets me in the mood for writing, or provides inspiration. Discovering a new artist I like is like receiving a gift for no reason.

BookMooch
Books I want to read coming through the letterbox, without me having to pay a penny for them. Nicely broken in books, vibrating with the life of having been read and enjoyed. Chances to get rid of books I otherwise wouldn’t know what to do with. Thanks, Trip, for alerting me to this wonderful thing.

The Body Shop
When I was a penniless student, and later equally penniless unemployed, I used to trot over to my local branch when depression struck and go around sniffing products until my mood improved. The whirl of colour and gorgeous smells is still effective – last time I was there, I let my son have a sniff at their new orange body butter and his response was, ‘Yummy!’

Words
Whether I read them or write them, whether they’re books, blogs, roleplaying games… the sheer creativity that is creating vibrant worlds and living people out of a handful of squiggles is irresistible.

The internet
A few clicks here and there are enough for me to find information, entertainment, socialisation, everything. I don’t really know how I managed before I found it, and if I were to lose it, I’d feel bereft without my online communities.

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The Morning So Far

Rising and shining at the same time can be entirely too much work.

Saturday morning coffee w/flickr

She hated that radio alarm. The blaring of news at 6:10 was hardly the first sound she wanted to hear, and of course once awake, it was impossible to go properly back to sleep.

She dozed uneasily, drifting in and out of consciousness, until the phone alarm started to go off. Hitting snooze the first time was a matter of course; a second time was risky, but she really didn’t want to get up yet.

Beside her, husband stirred and turned onto his other side; she barely had enough time to hold on to her end of the duvet to avoid it being yanked clean off her. She ended up with more duvet cover than actual duvet, of course; no wonder she had been cold. With the night chill seeping in through the imperfectly fitting windows, and the central heating not working well, she would have to do something about covers, and soon. But that wasn’t the thing to discuss first thing in the morning, either.

6:50, third phone alarm. No more time to dawdle. She turned over and sank into child’s pose, forehead into her pillow, groaning softly. She could very well do with a couple of hours’ more sleep, but even today, with the husband staying at home, that was out of the question. The girl had to have her lunch and be sent to school, and the boy needed his breakfast and general care. She could hear him warbling to himself from the nursery already, much more of an early riser than anyone else.

She got dressed and sleepwalked to the bathroom for the bare essentials. The boy saw her, of course, so she had to stop and give him a kiss and a cuddle, and risk his tears when she went downstairs. It was impossible to sneak past him. When his sister was in the room, he usually didn’t mind mama going away, though today he did grumble. Not much to do about that, either. God, she was tired, and a headache was beginning to bud between her eyes already.

Downstairs in the kitchen, she made a ham sandwich for the girl’s school lunch, sneaking a slice for herself. A bowl of porridge for the husband’s breakfast and a pot of coffee for both of them to share followed. Finally, the boy’s milk and a slice of fruit loaf on his plate. She carried them out into the living room and turned on the TV. Tweenies was almost over; there would be just enough time to get him dressed before Chuggington started.

Up the stairs again, grinding her teeth as her right knee, the wonky one, hurt again. The little one got eagerly enough into his clothes, though he grumbled a bit at having to put his house socks on, but mama wouldn’t have his little feet in contact with the chill seeping through the well-worn carpet. He refused to walk down the stairs, demanding to be carried instead. Knee or not, she didn’t mind that. She loved holding him in her arms, his head trustingly resting on her shoulder. Not too long now before he grew too heavy for her to do that…

As he sat on his little stool and guzzled his milk, entranced by the antics of the animated trains on the screen, she switched on her computer. There would be some forum maintenance work to do, like every morning, and then she would write more on her NaNoWriMo project. But first, some more breakfast, and her meds. The headache was taking shape, and her stomach was churning in response. She downed her pill; she really shouldn’t forget about them, she should keep them where she could reach them, not on the top shelf. Then she bit into an apple, a fresh Royal Gala with shiny dappled peel. It felt so good. She had almost forgotten how wonderful a fruit as simple as an apple could be.

Husband was done with his porridge and went off to his own computer while she poured the coffee – black for him, with raw cane sugar crystals and powdered creamer for herself. She had to hold up the boy at the door first, so he could say bye-bye to his sister as she left for school; it was humid and shiveringly cold out there, even though it looked like it was going to be a mostly sunny day.

There was not much forum work, after all, and that was just as well, because the combination of her head and stomach playing up was becoming too much. She just dawdled about, keeping an eye on the boy, who went about creating havoc in blithe toddler fashion, crying when told off, and doing the same thing five minutes later. Husband would go to the doctor’s on business of his own before the open clinic hours ended, at 10. She found herself eagerly waiting for his return, so she could go upstairs and collapse.

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Family, Revamped

Legislating family matters: You’re doing it wrong.
I promise, we did not adopt a child…

I thought long and hard before even pointing at legislation I’d want changed. Everyone thinks they can legislate better than the specialists themselves, and sometimes they’re right (because legislators are only human themselves and what looks like a good idea at a time may very well turn out to be a big mistake). But nobody can be right on everything, so I felt I had to pick my battles and concentrate on one primary cause.

Being the kind of person who wants to do right by everything and everyone, that was very hard. It’s incredible how much effort it needs to say, ‘This is an admirable cause, but it is not my cause.’ But if I had to choose only one law to reform, it would have to be the criteria for adoption.

The issue is close to home, because I could have had to deal with the adoption nightmare myself, having remained childless until the age of 35 and thus not knowing if I would ever be able to have biological children. The ordeal of an acquaintance, who was denied on grounds of age when she was barely past 30, only compounds my interest. Both she and I are lucky: she fell pregnant with twins soon after she gave up all hope, and I had my gorgeous boy without a hitch at 36. Not everyone is like us.

I feel that prospective adoptive parents are grilled way too harshly on issues of finances, health, and age. The vast majority of children are born into families less than financially stable (really, who is financially stable today? not even the filthy rich, it seems). People fall ill, even with life-threatening conditions, and an orphan is in the same predicament whether biological or adoptive. Additionally, I do feel that there are extremes in the realm of biological parenthood – teenagers simply don’t have the necessary resilience, physical, mental, or emotional, to bring up children, and the menopause is a sign that the childbearing years are over, not a cue to go for IVF – but the restrictions imposed on prospective adopters are ridiculous. With more and more women waiting until after 30 to attempt a first pregnancy (ironically, in order to be more financially secure), it makes no sense to deny them the right to adopt if nature won’t cooperate.

And don’t even get me started on the hoops a single parent or a gay couple would have to jump through in order to adopt. Most of them would be denied even the chance to foster.

I’m convinced that, if all one needed in order to adopt was a job, no potentially fatal pre-existing health conditions, a healthy age difference between adopter and adoptee (dictated by the societal trend of the time), and, okay, a partner as well, I can give you that, because single parenthood is not a walk in the park… well, then there would be much less bureaucracy and fewer abortions, geriatric IVFs or surrogacies, all of which strike me as – to varying degrees – unnatural. Not to mention it would cut right through the illegal paid adoption industry – because without the law’s support, people will just go outlaw.

But then I’m a simple woman who would, in all probability, have been turned down as a poor old hag, what do I know?

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Like a Child Again

20/20 hindsight is a depressing thing.

Free Rainbow Sprinkle Ice Cream Cone Creative Commons

I’m not going to talk about the song by The Mission (go find it on YouTube, if you’re curious), although it kinda prompted this entry. I’m going to talk about childhood, my childhood, back in the Jurassic age, and what is gone forever, unless I can redefine it as an adult.

Unlike so many people out there, if one is to judge by the popularity of the ‘horrid memoir’ book genre, my childhood was basically happy. I’m an only child, so I grew up monopolising my parents’ attention. As much as I occasionally hated that, I can’t deny the security it gave me as I was growing up.

We didn’t have a whole lot of money, but it was more what is more poshly called ‘genteel poverty’: no car, no summer house or holidays away from the relatives, pocket money was tight and I was practically raised wearing hand-me-downs from my cousins, transformed by my mum’s sewing skill. But there was never an issue of not having food on the table or being unable to pay the utility bills. It taught me to be relatively frugal, and goodness knows that is standing me in good stead right now.

I resented my parents’ adamant refusal to let me have training in any kind of art, particularly ballet and piano, which I was really passionate about (I still am, about the former at least). But they encouraged me to be good at school and, as soon as it was obvious I had a talent for languages, they rearranged the family budget for me to have my English and French classes. I’m still grateful, since I have found my niche in working with language in general, and foreign languages in particular.

Naturally, with evening classes in two languages, plus the demands of school growing from year to year, I didn’t have an awful lot of free time. What I did have, though, I could spend reading, watching movies, listening to music – not having a care in the world beyond my learning. And that is precisely what I miss most about my childhood.

I don’t mind working, but I surely appreciate not having to. I welcome responsibility, but I’m grateful when someone relieves me of it. I miss being able to go out and find company within five minutes’ walk. I miss a lie-in with a book of a weekend morning. I miss someone else cooking for me and giving me money for myself – just a tiny amount, fine, but not having to account to anyone for what I do with it. I miss being carefree, even part-time.

The only way I can see of recapturing some of that carefreedom as an adult is enlisting help. I can’t do much about where I live, so I have to put up with isolation; thankfully, my internet communities cover a lot of the particular need. Lie-ins with a young child are out of the question, unless the husband does the breakfast and morning care thing, which he doesn’t even volunteer. Being as run ragged by work as he is, I’m not sure he wouldn’t make an even bigger mess for me to clean up. My mum normally sends me money at Christmas and spring – since my birthday, my wedding anniversary, and my son’s birthday are close together – but most of that ends up going into subsidising the household, and she can no longer spare much anyway. So back to square one, or two, at best.

When I was a child, I was looking forward to growing up and being responsible. Now I know that the good times, when I could allow myself to be dependent instead of dependable, are well and truly gone.

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