That Fickle Muse

NaNoWriMo is officially over. I hit 50K words earlier today, but I'm taking the last couple of days to push on to the end of my story, which is in sight.

NaNoWriMo Day 3

My muse has been incredibly accommodating this year. It's the first time, after one failure and three wins, that I've been consistently ahead of schedule and never had to pull a desperate 5K day towards the end.

But then my muse is happy when he has work. When I write, he rides me harder than any mundane influence, lover or employer, ever has. When I'm not, he puts on his best urbane-looking Victorian Hellfire club face and never tires in his attempts to seduce me into following him. (He has some pretty creative punishments up his sleeve if I resist too long, as well… but that's another story for another day.)

Not to say that my muse doesn't have his blind spots as well. He's not good with plot, at least original plot seeds, while he's brilliant with characters and settings. All my plots are, at least in the beginning, hopelessly, or rather shamelessly, derivative: I pick a story I've read and redo it. Thing is, though, most of my fiction is collaborative, and the other person's input is invaluable in making our story veer far from the canon. So far, in fact, that sometimes we lose track of the original altogether.

Most of what I know about the craft of writing comes from Marion Zimmer Bradley and the liberal pearls of wisdom she included in the anthologies she edited. It's all in the characters for me. I don't do fanfiction, though I may slip a canon character as an NPC here and there, if the setting warrants it. Starting with real people, things are bound to happen, and sometimes working in an established but unfamiliar universe can be dizzyingly inspirational. A writing partner introduced me to the world of A Song of Ice and Fire, months before I got to start reading the series; one of the challenges I relished most was crafting a Darkover story with another partner who had never read Darkover. Right now I'm negotiating a story that will explore what Beatrice Rappaccini might have grown into, and I'm fairly giddy with stampeding ideas.

It might be my speculative bent, but I don't tend to find sparks of inspiration in real life around me; not in events or people I experience, though some nature can get me into just the right mood to be receptive. It's inspired art that inspires me in turn – particularly words and music. I've lost count of how many times a song title has sprung up and demanded to be a story title as well.

Unlike other years, when I end NaNoWriMo with a desperate need to decompress by writing nothing for weeks, now I'm ready to dive back into my stories and reward my co-writers' patience. If that's not creative inspiration, I wouldn't know what is.

Powered by Plinky

Tick Tock, Goes the Death Clock

The Death Clock's predictions can become more than a little entertainment for Halloween as years go by.

“Nutrisco et Extinguo” Memento mori _DDC5301

The Death Clock (http://deathclock.com/) is a little widget that predicts one's date of death, based on a few lifestyle questions. It has been around forever and I've been amused with its predictions several times, especially comparing its four modes – optimistic, normal, pessimistic and sadistic. However, as I'm growing older and the dates creep closer, the whole thing becomes more food for thought than a joke.

In fact, if I found out I had only ten more years to live, that would make me 49 and would be a better deal than a certain sadistic mode prediction that offed me at 46, if I remember well. Not that I'd be particularly chuffed, but it would certainly be better than a lot of other possibilities.

My biggest fear is dying while my son still needs me; on top of that, leaving him young enough not to remember me well is my worst nightmare. Ten more years would make him 13. He would still need me, no doubt about that, but he'd be able to cope. I'd make sure to use these years to imprint his Greek heritage on him: take him visiting, especially as long as his grandmother is still alive, teach him the language, perhaps see about getting him dual citizenship. I'd hate to see that part of him wiped out through ignorance, while it would help remind his father of me.

Beyond that, I have very few goals to achieve. My bucket list would be very short. I don't care for a career now, let alone if I knew my time was running out. I don't care for travelling; I don't feel there's a single place on earth to see or thing to do to be complete. I'd just spend my time doing what I enjoy. Writing, getting as many stories of those that swarm inside my head out of it before they fell silent. Reading the words and worlds of others, especially during times when my own strength might fail. Above all, spending time with my husband, quality time, without letting the petty concerns of day to day life get in the way. I'd help him with everything right to the end, but refuse to burden myself with business that must remain unfinished.

In the end, I would just make sure to get my green burial, hopefully with a rowan planted over me. I like the idea of returning to the earth literally, back into the circle of life, feeding some of the creatures that grow to feed others of my kind. I expect my faith would be my refuge, empowering me to face the transition without fear but with hope, and to let go of what I used to have and know, as must we all.

Powered by Plinky

Deck the Halls

Not our own hall, though. Not if I can avoid it. Not this time.

You see, I plan to be in Athens for the holidays this year. Last time was in 2009, and I've missed the atmosphere so much.

We haven't booked tickets yet, so I don't know exactly when we will be away – any time between 17 December and 2 January. I want to be there as long as possible, and not only because I desperately need seven workdays to bring my paperwork up to date, failing which would create no end of trouble.

You see, we say 'holidays' there, instead of just 'Christmas', because Christmas is only the beginning of the festive season. During most of the 12 days, the party goes on non-stop. There are so many name days to be celebrated, and a good few of them involve such popular names, that an overdose of treats is very likely, if one really keeps in touch.

The week between Christmas and the New Year also hosts more parties than any other time in the year: one long revel to celebrate the birth of the Son and chase the old year away. Add to it the fact that presents are exchanged on New Year's Day, rather than Christmas, and you can understand we could never be satisfied with a day or two of celebrating. Oh no. That's just a warm-up.

So I'm going to do everything in my power to be down early, to enjoy the build-up of activity. To decorate the tree in my mother's living room, which I haven't done since 2006, together with my little one. To welcome carol singers on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. To go to church at dawn and hear liturgy in Greek again. To have the pork and leek casserole that is traditional Christmas Day fare in my part of the country, and my mother's incomparable melomakarona. To visit with uncles and aunts and cousins and old friends, who haven't seen my son since he was just crawling. To see old friends, walk along crowded decorated streets, and welcome the New Year with fireworks at midnight and clinking glasses of bubbly with the family that made me and the one that I made, all together.

Despite the bleak economic climate in Greece right now, all I can think of is spending time with the people I care for. Nothing else matters. We've faced the spectre of poverty here as well, and we're just beginning to raise our heads above water, but I'd do anything to never have to spend another holiday season separated again.

Powered by Plinky

Year End To-Do's

Perhaps setting a close deadline works better than new year resolutions.

Things to do today

I've already struck the unfeasible items off the list (read The Wheel of Time in six weeks? yeah, right), so this is only what depends solely on myself and circumstances as they are right now for its accomplishment.

1. Get myself accustomed to a daily schedule involving more sleep and exercise. With husband's new job, I have to get up earlier and shoulder more tasks during the day, so I need to rake up more energy and keep the winter blues at bay.

2. Finish the book series I've put on hold for NaNoWriMo (Cate Tiernan's Sweep). Five instalments are down, 10 remain to go. Each one is a couple of hours' worth of reading, so it may seem like a light task. It is, as long as I manage to make the time, which can be trickier than it seems, especially on full-blown work days.

3. Bring my paperwork up to date. My passport will expire in January, and my identity card is still of the kind that started to be replaced a decade ago. Unless something goes terribly wrong, we will be going back to Greece for Christmas, and I will have both taken care of while we're there, saving myself trips to London and dealings with the embassy.

4. Buy myself at least a couple of smart garments. I've grown too comfortable with the 'mum uniform' of yoga pants, t-shirts and sneakers; I need to reacquaint myself with smart clothes (especially slacks – that's going to be hard) and heels, in anticipation of working opportunities.

5. Take the little one to at least one Christmas event. Probably the arrival of Father Christmas at the local zoo, in a sleigh pulled by real live reindeer.

6. Be happier, for myself and in myself.

That's it, I guess. A short list, fully achieved, would do much better things for my self-confidence than having to work out success percentages.

Powered by Plinky

Risk Nothing, Win Nothing

Those who have been reading these ramblings with any consistency will already know that I'm not good with risk and change. I prefer to play it safe and grumble occasionally. But when I do take a risk, it's a big one, bitches.

20 hours of sun

The one big risk of my life so far has been upping sticks and moving to the UK to start a family with someone I'd met on the internet.

Sounds daft, doesn't it? It was. Falling in love with someone I had never seen in the flesh, who was married to someone else at the time, no less, flying over for a first meeting (he told me later his biggest fear was that I wouldn't turn up; I wouldn't have dreamt of doing that, nor that he could have done the same, leaving me stranded in a foreign country – yes, I was naive and trusting), and proceeding to arrange a permanent move… I'd say the daftness of the particular idea covers quite a few years of lesser risks not taken.

Did it pay off? Well, I'm here, aren't I? We've been married for three and a half years and we have a wonderful little boy who is the light of my life. It has been anything but easy, I will admit that. I miss my Greek life something fierce – my family and friends, the language, the food, the shopping and drinking culture, some of the climate. We've been through rough patches in health and finances, and without any real-life support system, I've felt heartbreakingly lonely. The guilt of leaving my mother back alone is constant, occasionally crippling. And I still say the risk paid off.

If I had stayed back, I'd be exactly what my mother was accusing me, at 34, of becoming: a cranky spinster without prospects. I'd have put up with my soul-destroying job to pay the bills, and in the current financial collapse, I may not even have that. If I'm going to be lonely and miserable, I want something back for it, and my own family is that something.

As my husband is fond of saying, we are a miracle. A relationship like ours was not supposed to work, but it does. And if I hadn't taken a deep breath and jumped off the deep end, I'd never have found that out.

Powered by Plinky

« Older entries

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.