Cunning Linguist

I already speak a few foreign languages (including the one I'm communicating in right now), but there's no such thing as knowing too many of those. As long as they don't get all mixed up.

Beach ball language activity

I learned English and French (starting at the ages of 6 and 10 respectively) to emulate my best friend. Never mind that I went much further than she ever had, in both – I'm a licenced teacher of both. Later I learned Latin at school, though I didn't go very far there, and shortly afterwards learned Spanish in a two-year, exhilaratingly accelerated course. My Italian is entirely self-taught, and still very basic, but the whole set of languages can still identify me as a Romance linguist of some skill.

I know I will never be able to learn all the other languages I'd like to, so, if forced to draw up a shortlist, it would have to include Gaelic, Russian and Turkish.

Gaelic is a bit of a cheat, because I'd love to focus on both the Irish and Scots varieties separately. Celtic culture has fascinated me for many years, and one simply can't understand a culture without understanding their language. That is something I instinctively knew from the beginning of my linguistic career. Not knowing the words of favourite songs isn't too much of an issue for me, but I'd still want to!

I had some Russian lessons as a child, through a televised course. Hard as it is, I enjoyed it immensely, and definitely want to pick it up again sometime. I find there is something particularly alluring about languages using different alphabets; as if using a different coding system is an extra challenge that I relish.

Turkish is a much more recent addition to the list, though it dates from before the onslaught of Turkish soap operas on Greek TV (which started long after I had left the country and my exposure was curtailed). When I was younger, in times of greater tension between the neighbouring countries, I heard the joke often: 'Learn the language, you'll need it to communicate sooner than later.' I don't know about needing it… but I do know the modern Greek language has borrowed a lot from Turkish and I'd like to learn the roots of the loans, properly.

Since none of these languages have classes anywhere near here, I guess I'll be making Linguaphone richer for years to come…

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Citizen of the World

I'm already living in a country other than the one I was born and raised in, so that already puts me into a minority. But changing countries again? Well, never say never…

Lost in translation

Taking the plunge and moving to the UK from Greece at 35 was a big adventure, make no mistake, especially for someone like me, who is not overfond of change. The fact that I was moving to start my own family made things at once easier (because I had the undivided support of at least one person) and harder (because it would be for life and would require some permanent adjustments).

The last few months, however, have forced me to consider moving to another country again, at least for a few years. With the husband, the family's sole breadwinner, out of work for a few months, we had agreed we would accept any position that would have him, no matter where it demanded us to move to. Most opportunities would not take us beyond the UK borders, but there have been several overseas cases that we considered quite seriously.

Mind you, my opinion weighed more in each decision than husband's. He would do his thing among people little different than those back home; I would be the one dealing with the daily vagaries of life abroad, so I'd be the one that would need the most support to cope.

France, Italy and Spain were all quite possible. I speak all three languages (my Italian is still a bit weak, but immersion would work wonders); husband's French is chancy, but he'd be able to learn anyway, and so would our son. I wouldn't mind him growing up trilingual at all. And I would be grateful to go further south again, somewhere with decent day and night lengths at all seasons, and enough sunlight.

Austria is somewhere I'm sure husband would love to live, especially since he already speaks decent German. Unfortunately, I don't, and I refuse to learn it. German is the one language I've tried my hand at and gave up because I didn't enjoy it. I don't think I could live somewhere where I'd have to deal with it every day. I'd rather go to Sweden, although practical considerations (language barrier and climate issues more severe than here) made us drop that option early.

There were even positions in China and Nepal, as well as around the Arab world and southeastern Asia, places where neither of us would go, no matter how good the money might be. I come from the country that invented democracy, and has taken it all the way to anarchy several times in its history – totalitarian regimes disagree violently with me. Not to mention I don't look good in hijab.

No matter where we ended up, though, it would have to be for at least a few years. Moving house is an ordeal when you go to the next town over; I wouldn't care to pack up and go back a couple of years later. Not to mention the damage to the young one's development if he were shifted from one culture and language to another before really settling down anywhere. I can't quite imagine living permanently in any of those countries, but then I've never been in any, not even as a tourist. I want to leave my options as open as possible, anyway.

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Like a Sore Thumb

A fascinating expression that suggests what more of us should know: standing out is not always a good thing.

Stand-out

When I moved to the UK, I really stood out in a number of ways that I couldn't help, and which could have been all the wrong ones, if some circumstances had been different.

I would hardly open my mouth, and someone would ask where I was from. (Some followed up with a bit of the third degree about why I was here, and I couldn't, in good conscience, say 'none of your bloody business' to a stranger, especially an otherwise harmless-looking old lady.) Phone conversations terrified me, for the same reason – I hadn't been exposed to dreadful call centre accents yet. And I don't want to think about the treatment my accent could have earned me, if we were in the wrong kind of neighbourhood – one of high nationalistic ideas, that would be.

Exposure and practice have smoothed my rough edges in the years since, but my accent is not completely gone and never will. I'm rather glad of that. I don't get the origin question too much lately, but I'm rather proud of being obviously a foreigner whose English is better than many native speakers'. That is more obvious in writing, but it happens even when I speak; solid grammar and a good vocabulary can't hide. That's most definitely a way I'm glad to stand out in.

Otherwise, I'm still quite the exotic import. Not as much in terms of looks; there are plenty of people around with Mediterranean colouring and figures, natives and otherwise. It's not an exceptionally multicultural bit of the country, but there are enough Asians and Africans around for no batting eyelids. Though I'm still likely to be the one who talks and laughs a bit too loudly, the one who gesticulates a lot, the one who has no qualms about eating and drinking in public (though the natives are improving in that respect, and I'm so glad).

I'm also the one most likely to go around in a fleece jacket when everyone else is in tank tops, but I can't do much about my tolerance for cold!

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Say Just Words

I love words. I love learning them, using them, seeing what they can do. I particularly love new coinages, perhaps because I don’t have the wit to create them myself.

If I had to pick just one favourite word, that would have to be ‘automagically’ (instantly, as if by magic). But that would leave out a whole lot of other coinages, too hilarious to just let them go. Enjoy a selection of favourites from the Washington Post Mensa Invitational.

Bailout Law Word Cloud (HR 1424 EAS)

Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you are eating.

Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

Philaunderer: He may hop from bed to bed, but he always washes the sheets.

Whorde: A group of prostitutes.

Errorist: A member of a radical Islamic cult who blows himself up in a mannequin factory.

Palindromeo: Casanova von Asac, a legendary 18th-century seducer, later revealed to have gone both ways.

Tskmaster: An ineffective slave driver.

Forkplay: A lavish dinner date, in the hope of getting lucky.

Calculust: Figuring out exactly how much to spring for forkplay.

Persuede: To convince a person with a little gentle kidding.

Spentiments: Afterglow.

Horspice: A glue factory.

Satisfarction: A fatal heart attack suffered during intercourse.

Nominatrix: A spike-heeled woman who controls the selection of candidates for party whip.

Concupiscience: Conducting an empirical study of Internet porn for, um, a doctoral thesis. Yeah, that’s it.

Sitcoma: Typical TV fare.

Diddleman: A person who adds nothing but time to an effort.

Claptop: A portable computer that’s been infected by a virus.

Precrastinate: “Do I eat the cookie before I watch ‘American Idol’ before I do my homework, or do I watch ‘American Idol’ before I eat?”

Pestidigitation: How the exterminator makes the cockroaches magically disappear, then reappear soon after he leaves.

Vamplitude: A measurement of female seductive talent.

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Le Violon Rouge

Arthouse movies can be unbearably pretentious. They can also be overwhelmingly awesome.

I saw this movie years ago, as an avant-premiere screening at a little festival in Athens. I had seen Girl, Interrupted there the day before, and the big name was The Beach, which was coming up right after this. So The Red Violin ended up shown at 10am on Sunday, perhaps the most unfavourable slot in the entire weekend. I’ve never been so glad I got up early to be there on time.

The movie traces the story of the eponymous red violin from its tragical creation in 17th-century Cremona to the present, through five interlaced stories (four plots and the auction scene that links all the rest), in five languages (Italian, German, English, Chinese, and French), covering five countries and – borderline – five centuries, all starting with a five-card tarot reading. It’s a masterful weave, and it would have been a blockbuster without its multilingual status.

The red violin is created in 1681 by Niccolo Busciotti, for the son he’s sure his wife Anna is about to give him (Luna). Tragically, mother and child die in labour, and the distraught artisan varnishes the violin with his wife’s blood and abandons his trade. There is a suggestion that something of the unborn child’s spirit has passed into the instrument, which goes on to bring misery to its owners.

Vienna, 1790s (The Hanged Man): The violin belongs to a very talented but sickly young boy who is raised in a church orphanage. A rich noble sponsors him to start a career, but the boy dies of heart failure before his first recital, out of sheer fear of having his violin taken away from him if he’s not good enough. The violin is buried with him, but the grave is robbed later.

England, 1890s presumably (The Devil): A young noble acquires the red violin from a band of gypsies. He’s a talented artist as well as a dilettante, but when his lover travels to Russia, he loses inspiration and takes to opium. On her return, he’s such a mess that she abandons him, he commits suicide, and the violin is carried off by his Chinese opium dealer.

In China, the violin belongs for a time to a young girl who dreams of being a professional, but when Mao’s revolution outlaws Western music, she is forced to entrust it to a music teacher, disgraced for his Western affiliations, for safekeeping (Justice).

Today, the old Chinese music teacher is dead and his secret stash of instruments is being auctioned off, in Montreal. Several people come to claim the red violin, but only an expert brought in to ascertain whether it is really the notorious Red Violin is genuinely touched by its spirit. He ends up allowing a fake to be auctioned off, stealing the original for his daughter, and the movie ends leaving the viewer wondering if the circle of misery will continue or if the original spirit is finally at rest, since the tarot reading is complete and fulfilled (Death, reversed).

The acting is understated, with Samuel L. Jackson as the expert and Greta Scacchi as the dilettante’s lover the only recognisable names, the settings and costumes glorious in their detail, and the music is absolutely sumptuous. I came out of the screening wanting it so badly that, if it hadn’t been a Sunday, I’d have gone straight into the Virgin Megastore next door and looked for the soundtrack. Required viewing for anyone interested in music, at the very least.

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